Another story from the "When the Voiceless Sing" interviews

Debbie talks about her mother's move into town
 
The cats were still an issue and I continued to handle her finances. I think she didn't trust herself anymore with the finances. There may have been some confusion there too about which bill needed to be paid and when. The vendors were all local townspeople so it was better for her if I kept everything afloat. I had my name on her bank account and my other sister had the Power of Attorney. My younger sister had her own issues she was dealing with so she didn't do that much. She did take her blood pressure and pulse to check her heart. She lived further away so that also made it harder for her. She would visit my mom and stay with our sister or her son. She had moved around quite a bit for her jobs and there was a family dynamic as well. My sister who lived closest and I were on a more even keel then our youngest sister with my mom.

They didn't have a senior center in town because the town is very small. Some seniors would gather at the store, but my mom wasn't like that. She would rather have people over to the house or go to my aunt's house for a visit. She was still driving at the time but only in town and during the day. If there was any sort of emergency my mom could call on my aunt or her nephews to help out. Even though we were making the decisions for my mom it was nice to know that she had all that support in case we couldn't get there quickly enough.
My mom was now able to enjoy a satisfying life because with our help the financial strains were gone and the logistics of her social connections were greatly improved.

Debbie talks about her husband's brother and sister-in-law

During this last visit with my husband's brother, he mentioned that he thought his brother was starting to reach the end of his rope. I agreed and I don't blame him. He's taking care of his aunt with dementia and his wife who isn't well.

While we were there we tried to relieve him by making dinner or taking them all out to dinner. The aunt's dementia doesn't get in the way of her going out to eat.

We could see why his stress was getting worse. One of the days the aunt was agitated and kept taking things out of the closet. After she had moved on to other interests I helped my sister-in-law put everything back.

As she is getting worse my brother-in-law is getting more tired. His wife’s health is getting worse as well. At some point he's going to have to choose between caring for his mother or his wife.

The Caring.com interview just came out

Read the interview that Brad Prescott did for the book "When the Voiceless Sing". Great questions that got to the heart of what this book is all about.

Love the blog stories.....Where can I buy the book?

“When the Voiceless Sing: love stories from our hero Caregivers” can be ordered by sending a check made out to Caregiver Access for $27.95 to:
Christine Sotmary,  P.O. Box 513, Crompond, NY 10517

You can also donate $30 to Caregiver Access which goes directly to programs for Family and Informal Caregivers in the New York area and we’ll send you a thank you book for your donation. http://caregiveraccess.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=category&layout=blog&id=21&Itemid=151

If you would prefer a Kindle edition you can order it from Amazon. http://www.amazon.com/When-Voiceless-Sing-Caregivers-ebook/dp/B00A6R1MMM/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1360688152&sr=8-2&keywords=when+the+voiceless+sing

Toni talks about her brother

Toni talks about helping her brother to flourish


When someone gets sick things change and we all handle things differently.  That doesn't mean that anyone's style is wrong. My brother may have been weak but that doesn't mean he was wrong. He dealt with things according to his emotional I.Q., fears and experiences. At the time he thought he was going to die. It wasn't for me to make a judgment about that. I didn't have the same experiences and it wasn't my body that was faced with illness.

He'll never have the dreams he once had. Now he dreams of playing basketball. If they knock him down because he can't see out of one eye, he gets back up again. If it means he can't move for a few weeks after a game, he'll take that. He believes that in order to be alive it means doing the things he loves.

When the doctor said he couldn't have chocolate, he told me he couldn't live without chocolate. I told him I want cookies and I can resist them. I didn't understand why he would still have to have chocolate against the doctor's orders. Now I might say, “you know the consequences of eating chocolate so have a good time”. I'm not sure that's good either.

At first I couldn't understand it because his actions appeared to hurt him but now I understand that he is doing it because he wants to be alive. He doesn't want to be sitting there like a vegetable. So now instead of showing my frustration with him, I ask him if he had a good time playing with his friends.

We have great conversations and I'm beginning to think that his weakness during his illness may have come from how much he learned from his research about his disease. Knowledge in this circumstance may have been a detriment to him.

The book has arrived just in time for the holidays

"When the Voiceless Sing: love stories from our hero Caregivers" has arrived just in time for gift giving season. Packed with heartwarming stories from those who have cared and still care deeply for others in their lives.
Add to the holiday spirit this year by giving the gift of inspiration to those who mean the most to you.

Joe P. talks about how his father was his role model

Joe P. talks about what he learned by watching his dad take care of his mom

I will always admire him but especially the way he showed me how to care for someone you love, as I watched him take care of my mom. When I was young I always saw my father as hard to deal with, inflexible and impatient. He was always rushing us and I still have anxiety to this day when I feel I am being rushed. My mother was a saint to be married to him.

Once she got sick with Alzheimer's he changed completely. He became a person with infinite patience, with infinite humor. It was truly a love story to see him with her. He understood her like no one else. Now looking back on it this is probably why she stayed with him because deep down she must have known he was capable of this depth of love.

More stories from Joe M.....lean on me!

Joe M. talks about people being dependent on each other

I can't really imagine someone not taking care of a family member or loved one but I'm sure that it does happen. Since being a Caregiver for my wife, I now look for opportunities to help others. I believe that we are all dependent on each other. In the supermarket I want to push someone's cart or get something off the shelf. I wonder about whether they have anyone who thinks about them or helps them.

I even gave a ride to a woman this past winter who was walking past the cemetery in a snow storm. I couldn't believe she was out walking to the library in that weather. I wasn't even going that way, but I couldn't let her walk in those conditions. She may have been embarrassed or just ignoring the fact that it would have been better to be dependent on a relative or even a taxi for her safety. Some people think they can survive anything, but this was a bad storm. There are probably Caregivers who resist help in that same way. It’s a thing of pride for some.

My kids are always in contact with me and we take care of each other. I don't mind being dependent on them for emotional support because it feels good and I give them back the support they need as well. We all miss my wife. I know there are families that aren’t close. That would have made the caring for my wife almost impossible if we hadn’t had each other.

I've always basically been a caring person and my dream was to take care of others. Early on I wasn't thinking, as I did with my wife, of helping with health issues but more with the financial side of things.